"I was Attacked (by Yoko Ono) at the Train Station"
Originally published in the Fall 2004 Issue of Saitama MemoRandom An English Quarterly Publication by the Saitama Prefectural Government, International Division, Saitama City, Urawa Ward, Japan
Warabi Station, Saitama- I was attacked at the train station! Actually, I was not, but being a foreigner in Japan is like being a celebrity. Recently, I read where guitarist, Edward Van Halen, was pestered by a persisting fan who wanted his autograph at a backstage visit by a few hundred lucky fans. He replied very sadly, "If I give one to you, I will have to give one to everyone." However, if you are a foreigner in Japan, it is most assuredly that you have experienced some interesting moments.
Along with these experiences, you probably have been stared at constantly by an old woman at the train station or have children run up to you while you are waiting for the train and yell, "Hello!". As a former resident of Los Angeles for almost five years, I laugh at the thought of being considered a celebrity since every celebrity that I ever came across was about as real as pro wrestling. Furthermore, I pity the AET (that redhead Irishman) who thinks just because people in Japan treat them with immediate respect and recognition is in the same league at the great Edward Van Halen.
But what happened to me was unbelievable. I'm returning home by train one rainy Sunday afternoon and realize that my train card is about out. As I’m pulling my wallet out to put 10,000 yen on it, I have a Japanese woman tap me on my shoulder and mumble something in Japanese. This surprises me and I look to my wife. The woman who tapped me, start talking in fluent English, "Where are you from?" I reply, "America." Then she starts talking to me a million words a minute. Her English is very good, but I’m trying to get my train card ready, get home and out of my wet clothes. I hear her mention about going to but not graduating from a college in the US, then she talking about her professor having an affair with one of his students. Before you know it, my wife, who is disturbed by this babbling woman, has only put 1000 yen on my Suica card. I catch this and have my wife get the change back and this woman is still talking. Finally, my wife gives me my change and my card. I’m getting frustrated because I have this crazy person talking to me and keeping me from getting my Suica card the way I want it. I look behind me, and notice a line of people waiting to buy a ticket, and one old woman tells the woman in Japanese, "You need to talk to him later." Finally my wife and I start to walk away from the Suica machine and this woman is still talking. My wife says, "Do you know her?" I exclaim, "No, I don’t know her …" Finally, the woman realizes that she is bothering me and says, "I’m sorry if I caused you any trouble. I like to talk to people and wanted to talk." She disappears; I stop since my brain can not quite grasp what has just happened. I'm trying to add money to my Suica card and now I have been made into a spectacle over a conversation which I only said "America" to a stranger that is a borderline mental case. My wife, who is Japanese, is angry with me for not telling her to get lost. I notice a few people staring at me.
Anyway, I return to the machine and am determined to get my Suica card loaded up with enough money to last a while. On the walk back to the apartment, my wife tells me that the woman asked in Japanese before she started in with the English, "Are you lost?" or something along those lines.
The moral of the story is, you may get treated like a celebrity and will get stared at out in public. If you ever get a verbal attack like I did, do like Edward Van Halen did. Tell them that if you have to talk to her, you have to talk to everyone. Don't forget to keep things in perspective in regards to your new so-called celebrity status.
The Divine Wind Vault
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